Not flesh of my flesh
Author: Unknown
Not flesh of my flesh
Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart,
But in it.
I am always asked why we decided to adopt and how it all happened. I've never written this out so I thought I'd better do it before my memory fades too much.
After having two beautiful boys I was unable to carry any more children. For a while we thought we were satisfied without having a daughter but there was this feeling we kept having that we had a little girl waiting to come to our family. We got certified to adopt through LDS Family Services. We waited for about 5 months when after praying I felt strongly prompted that we needed to get proactive. We sent our profile to a private agency in California and 1 week after they got it, we were chosen. This was crazy fast, even for this agency. Their average time is 1-2 years but yet I had felt she was going to be born any day and hurried to prepare. I painted her room and got it all ready. I purchased baby items and picked out a car seat, we chose a name (Sophia Isabella). Now I'm not one to do this type of thing! I didn't want to look like some spastic woman, but for some reason I didn't care. God was definitely telling me to get ready. I couldn't sleep at night, I was nesting like an 8 month pregnant lady, cleaning out cupboards, closets and anything I knew I wouldn't have time to do once she came.
Then it happened...
We received news that a baby girl had been born born in Las Vegas, Nevada and they asked if we were interested. We said OF COURSE, but then found out there were about 12 other couples the agency was considering. All night we tossed and turned, hoping and praying we would get chosen. We both just knew we would...just had the feeling. The next morning we got a call saying we had been chosen and that we needed to get their ASAP. Jaxon and I were screaming and running around with tears in our eyes. They emailed us a big list of forms and documents we'd need to bring but I was pretty much in shock. If you know Kimball and I, I'm usually the organized one. I must have been in another world because for the life of me I couldn't even comprehend the list, let alone find any papers (that were right in front of my face). It was great the way Kimball stepped up and just took care of business. I think I don't give him enough credit sometimes because he proved he was quite capable. :) So within 2 hours of 'the call' the four of us were on the road, 4 hours later we were holding our sweet little baby. We had to stay in Nevada for 16 days until we got word the paper work was complete. What a crazy time, but one I'll always remember. We were blessed that Kimball's cousin Jonathan and Christine live in Vegas and were kind enough to let us stay there that first night and offered to let us stay the entire time. I didn't want to put them out since I knew it would be a so long and just how long we did not know.
This is a picture of Sophia and I the morning after she was placed with us. It was quite the sleepless night and really, I was still in shock. It was a lot to take in, I was mentally exhausted but extremely happy and grateful.
The trip was so last minute, and since Kimball had a business to run he had to fly back that day. My sweet mom was able to come from Texas to Las Vegas to be with us. It was a fun time. Vegas isn't the best place to hang out with 2 little boys but for anyone who's had a new baby around it's like having a piece of heaven in your presence. We stayed in smoky hotels with loud casino's but Jaxon and Kade didn't care, they had a blast! My Mom couldn't believe how much Sophia looked like all of us girls when we were born. It's funny how Sophia and my Mom look totally related.
Don't you just love her furry forehead? She was 6 lbs 7 oz and was born perfectly healthy. I won't share all the details but I will say I am eternally grateful to her birth Mom for making the choice she did and for taking care of Sophia so well. I can't imagine how hard it would be to make that kind of sacrifice, I don't think I'd be strong enough to do it. I still get teary eyed just thinking about it. I always thought that we would be able to meet her birth Mom, hug her and tell her how grateful we were. It wasn't an option and now I think it was probably for the best.
The boys were so cute with her. Throughout the adoption process Jaxon kept telling us our family was already complete, but oh how his heart melted the instant he saw her. He would tell everyone we came in contact with that she was adopted and the whole nine yards. He called her "our little bundle of joy". She couldn't ask for better brothers to watch out for her and take such good care of her. Kade always wanted to be a big brother but was a little bumbed that she couldn't do more things. He got bored with her for the first little while...he had a bit of jealousy too. Now he is crazy about her!
So we're pulling out of the hospital parking lot, it had all happened SO fast that I think Kimball had a panic attack. It was really cute actually, he started saying in a panicked voice "What do we do? It's so different having a girl I just don't even know what to do?" He grew up in a family of 7 boys, no girls so you can maybe see why he was so worried. I could definitely see a difference with the way he acted around a daughter verses a son. It was really sweet! They are really close and he was so great with her. He came back to Vegas to be with us as much as possible. He was like Jaxon and took every chance he could to announce the great news.
I'm always asked if I felt any less love for Sophia then I did for our biological sons. The answer is NO! Different yes, but only in the sense that I didn't feel like I knew her yet. I was so nervous to meet her, I knew how special she was and I really didn't feel worthy of her. The thing that did surprise me was I felt an instant urge to protect her and take care of her. I felt from the moment that I saw her she was meant for us and after one night of bonding no one was going to take her away! I remember the first night, her and I stayed in a room by ourselves and Kimball stayed with the boys. Sophia woke about 5 times to eat or get changed and she would just peep at me with her big brown eyes. Sometimes I wish I could just go back to that moment. I just don't want to forget any details. It's hard to describe it all. I have put off writing my feelings about it or speaking about it in public because I get so emotional. I just wonder every day how we deserved such a blessing.
Funny Story - The second night we were in Vegas, Jaxon waited for all of us to fall asleep and then snuck and took Sophia out of her crib (the drawer which we sat on top of the dresser). He had made himself a comfy bed in the corner of the hotel room on the floor. You can imagine my horror when I heard Sophia make a noise a few hours later and I went to pick her up to find an empty drawer! I followed her noises until I found her bundled up next to Jaxon. All I could think about was what if he had accidentally smothered her? I couldn't sleep the rest of the night for fear he would wake up and do it again. I had a big talk with him first thing in the morning but I also new he was just SO excited, he just wanted to be with her at all times. Crazy kid almost gave me a heart attack!
Another thing to mention is my brother Jeff and his cute family were so excited they drove to Vegas and stayed for a few days. Everyone was so great! My neighbors, friends & ward members (who I didn't know well yet) were just so generous and genuinely happy for us. It was such an amazing experience.
We had been told in order for an adoption to take place, lots of miracles had to happen, how true that is! If you can imagine all the obstacles that can get in the way, the birth mom or dad changing their mind, choosing abortion or a family member talking them out of it, not to mention all the red tape you have to cross. To finalize an adoption is truly a miracle.
I wrote this for Sophia, so she can read it one day and never doubt for a second how much she was loved. I share it with our dear friends and family who helped us in many ways and for those of you who are considering adopting or are waiting for your "little bundle of joy".
I told you Sophia and I looked so much alike as newborns. :)
This is me...
This is Sophia...
