Growing Older

Today is Father's Day. It's a lovely June day here in Gilbert Arizona, the temperatures have been around 105ish but this week should be around 112. After that, there's no looking back until October. : / This morning Sophia and I woke the boys up at 7:30 to make Kimball breakfast in bed. Jaxon cooked scrambled eggs and turkey bacon, Sophia made the orange juice and picked the flowers, Kaden made the toast and a card. We gave him a plane ticket to see his family in Boise, Idaho. His youngest brother Shane is going to get married in August. Sophia's been making him cards and cards all weekend, she's such a hoot! I LOVE having a little one in the house still.

On that subject, I have really been sad lately that my kids are growing so fast. I look at pictures of them 3 or 4 years ago and wonder how it went so fast. I wonder if we are meant to adopt again, I get tempted, then I doubt my abilities. I doubt whether or not I have it in me to be a great mom at this point to a newborn. It takes so much energy and work, at times I feel so dang tired....I don't know if I want to do it again. Also, I wonder if the dynamics would change for the worse or the better. I want to make sure I have enough time and love for all of them.


Soph starts kindergarten this year, it will be so strange to have an empty house every day, but I'm sure I'll find a way to use the time. Sophia is beyond excited to go to school, and I know she'll love having friends and feeling like she's learning and growing. She's such a little mama I can't even tell you! Lately, she's been playing doctor with our emergency kit. She wraps us all in ace bandages and takes our pulse, temperatures and draws blood. For several years now she's said she wants to be a doctor.

Jaxon grew 8-9" last year and gained 25 lbs.

Tomorrow morning Jaxon leaves for scout camp where Kimball will join them on Thursday. He was just made the president of his deacons coroum. Jaxon starts a new school next month, I sure hope he likes it. It seems crazy that he'll be in eighth grade. He had a fabulous time playing flag football this year and loved having Kimball as the assistant coach.

Kade will be going to drama camp in Mesa for the next two weeks M-F. He's SO SO excited! I am anxious to pick him up and hear all about it, I know he'll love it. He's going into 5th grade next year and it hurts my gut. He's my snugly little bear and I just can't get enough of him. :) Yes, he's picking up on some smart mouth talk, but I'm hoping he'll resist the urge to get an attitude.

Being a mom is such a hard job. I'm always second guessing my choices or grimacing at some of my actions. I try to keep the cursing to a minimum ;), but old habits are hard to break. Still, I am capable of much better than I'm currently giving.

My mothers health is getting bad quickly. For a few years now her memory has been fading. She's done her best to keep us in the dark when it comes to her health. It's now to a point that is really upsetting me. I spoke to her the other day and she remembered  nothing. Yes, she remembered me (I think), and the kids, but I have to retell the same stories, plans and occurrences every time we talk (and we talk at least once a day), she seems so confused, frustrated and even embarrassed. We are pretty sure she's getting dementia. It's really sad. Friday, after we spoke, I couldn't help but cry on and off all day. Still, tears come to my eyes the second I start thinking much about it. Last week in Relief Society, I got all teary for no reason but the fact that I started thinking about her. I am sad we don't live near them so I can help as she declines. Being the youngest of seven, I feel way too young to lose my parents. I know there's a lot we must learn from watching our parents grow old, but it's heart wrenching none the less. 

I am getting way too sad writing this...must sign off.